Man Under Fire
I’ve made a lot of promises about exploring cultural and biblical masculinity in more depth and detail this summer, and just have not gotten around to it. Here is my first installment.
Salvo Magazine did an amazing article on the educational system and media’s attack on boys and men, respectively. Quoting Christina Hoff-Sommers in her 2001 book The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism Is Harming Our Young Men, the article details how America’s public schools consistently suppress developing masculinity, and “establish femininity as the norm:”
This book tells the story of how it has become fashionable to attribute pathology to millions of healthy male children. It is a story of how we are turning against boys and forgetting a simple truth: that the energy, competitiveness, and corporal daring of normal, decent males is responsible for much of what is right in the world. No one denies that boys’ aggressive tendencies must be checked and channeled in constructive ways. Boys need discipline, respect, and moral guidance. Boys need love and tolerant understanding. They do not need to be pathologized.
In Scotland, much like the U.S., there are fears that doctors are prescribing Ritalin and other ADHD drugs to children for a condition that does not exist. Another study shows that Ritalin prescription rates are higher for children of divorce, pointing to a cause for supposed “hyperactivity” that is not chemical or biological. CBS News reports that, “Critics of excessive use of such drugs, including some doctors, have worried that the drugs sometimes are promoted by schools and others as a “quick fix” without other appropriate treatment.” We are medicating our young boys to death. Whether it be because they are acting out from an unstable home life or are simply not allowing “boys to be boys,” we are seeking to suppress expressions of masculinity.
Salvo Magazine doesn’t stop at behavioral issues, but also targets the very methodology used in schools:
Hoff-Sommers goes on to note that “it’s a bad time to be a boy in America. . . . Routinely regarded as protosexists, potential harassers and perpetrators of gender inequity, boys live under a cloud of censure.” The school curricula, she observes, are skewed toward girls’ strengths and away from those of boys. That’s why classes emphasize word problems in math class and writing essays in science class, for example.
Yet it is our culture’s entertainment that is perhaps most telling of this massive shift in hostility to men:
Writing in National Review Online, Justin Shubow notes that “porn-addicted, video-game-playing man-children are the subject of so many recent comedies like Knocked Up; The 40-Year-Old -Virgin; You, Me, and Dupree; and Failure to Launch. Not having been effectively socialized into masculinity, adult males have become less manly but more boyish.” (Salvo)
This theme goes well beyond the movies. Think about the most popular sitcoms: Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends, Carpoolers, Scrubs, The Office, The Big Bang Theory, Chuck, Reaper, the list goes on… With very few excpetions, men are portrayed in one of three ways:
- “sensitive” guys who want only to please women,
- passive weenies and geeks who avoid responsibility via beer and video games with their other passive weenie friends,
- and the “thugs” who rebel, often violently, in a never-ending quest to prove their toughness with “increasingly loutish behavior.”
The Jack Bauers of television and Aslans of film are all too rare… Conversely, women are taking up the mantle of the now-abandoned male role:
When you turn on your television this fall, you’ll be watching more women kick more ass than you can possibly imagine—physically, economically and sexually. Hard-bodied and smart, rich and aggressive, confident and independent, the chicks who populate the prime-time lineup are being cast in roles that once belonged almost exclusively to men. These broads are cops and lawyers and masters of the business universe. . . . Julianna Margulies will star as a nasty Nancy Grace knockoff, Angie Harmon as a police lieutenant, Lucy Liu as a publishing executive, and Patricia Heaton as a news anchor; there’s a new Bionic Woman and a whole show about the world’s leading incubator of the future, The Terminator’s Sarah Connor. The flinty Cagneys, Laceys, Murphys and Buffys of yore aren’t the exceptions in the new TV season; they rule. (Salvo)
What is a man or boy to think when those are the “positive” role models portrayed by popular culture? It seems like masculine behavior is only ok if it is not a man who is behaving that way!
I’m well aware that this topic will be controversial and sensitive in many ways. I plead with you to not “hear what I’m not saying.” I’m only saying that men, as they are innately wired and built to behave, are under subtle yet comprehensive attack. I am not saying that women should not have many of the same roles as portrayed in popular entertainment, but that men should not suffer as a result. The pendulum swinging too far in the other direction is still too far.
Posts
Brad-
I’m really glad you wrote this! I have read about the educational system being more catered to girls’ needs, especially up to third grade than to suit the boys’ needs. I wonder if this is still also a problem in all boys’ school as well or if they are more in tune with boys’ needs because they work with boys all the time. Hmmm.
Let me just say that boys are awesome. In babysitting little ones, I love watching them explore, discover, climb all over things, build stuff, etc. They are so much more kinesthetic than girls are at times and they need adventures to pursue! Okay- it is true- girls desire adventure just as much as guys do (and that is probably why they are taking over some of the main roles on tv…and also why my old college roomie is now a cop…and she’s awesome at it, and there are also more women rising to the top as you say.) Perhaps the pendulum (if there is one) has swung to one side, can you imagine some of the possible outcomes if it were to swing to the other side (as far as little girls…or a completely over-masculinized society, where like no pink exists– that would be so sad!)? Also, I hope that sometime you will explore some of the ways that we as a church, or in our family, what are some of the ways that we can pour into our little men?
I, for one, am glad women are tryong to rule the airwaves - if those programs are going to help men realize the worth and equality of women - more power to them.
I recently had a chat with a few women on this subject - about how men behave and act - this normal behavior you note that is being erased from tv. Did you know women actually are scared of men’s physical strengths (to some degree)?
The reason I note this is because in that convo it came up that we all knew women that were raped by men in our immediate families, physical abuse against women wasn’t all that rare, and emotional/mental abuse was all too common. The point being, men are violent towards women on about 80 to 20 scale (maybe even higher).
That startled me - that convo made me think about how we act. I think being macho and retaining masculinity is one thing - problem is - a lot of men do this at the expense of women (physically, the weaker sex). The crimes rates of men compared to women are appalling if you check them out some time - and the amount of crimes men committ against women compared to crimes of women against men - even more appalling.
Masculinity, if anything, should take a backseat to another view of some sort - I think we actually need to re-position our masculinity to one that is more safer and teaches us to be more emotional or even empathetic.
Believe me, I am a man’s man - I play a variety of sports, watch NFL, lift weights, play video games, and drink beer/whiskey. But I admit I see the worst in men quite a lot - and it’s usually demeaning to someone else - and I am no saint mind you - but I admit the flaws in me and in others - men are way toooooooooooooooooooo aggressive.
Jen! Thanks for the encouragement!
I’d say that our world should (ideally) be a place where both femininity and masculinity are equally valued and demonstrated in positive, community strengthening ways. As much as I am not a fan of pink, a world without it would be missing something indeed!
societyvs,
Absolutely! And to say that we need “more masculinity,” I do not mean the violent, thugish, rapist kind. It is not aggressiveness that is bad, but how it is expressed that needs redeeming. Men should not be aggressive towards women, but aggressive towards protecting the entire community (to include women, children, and other men). Their strength should be used to protect community rather than disrupt it. I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree that there are some jacked up perceptions of what it means to be a man, but instead of suppressing masculinity, we need to redeem and redirect it in ways that glorify God and show love to one another. Men are not too aggressive, but many of them direct their aggression in unhealthy and destructive ways. In other words, “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater.”
“Masculinity, if anything, should take a backseat to another view of some sort - I think we actually need to re-position our masculinity to one that is more safer and teaches us to be more emotional or even empathetic.”
Emotion, empathy, and safety are not antithetical to biblical masculinity. In fact, the examples of God glorifying masculinity we have in scripture emphasize themes of personal sacrifice (due to empathy), passion (due to Godly emotions), and community protection (providing safety). Next to Jesus, David is perhaps the epitome of this. Like any of us, he was a sinful guy who made jacked up decisions, but he is still called a “man after God’s own heart” (1Sam. 13:14).
Those values, traits, and behaviors are distinctly masculine and expressed in masculine ways. The problem I have is when the only way to accomplish those (absolutely glorious) goals is in a passive or feminine way. Does that make more sense?
societyvs,
Here is a great example of what it looks like to be Christian with distinctively masculine methodology (aggression for the sake of the kingdom instead of a risk-aversed safety idol).
http://www.worldontheweb.com/2008/05/28/2008-graduates-my-apologies/
Societyvs,
A fellow whisky drinker!
As far as your observation that many men are abusive with their strength, you are right on the money. In our resources page, I have written a short article looking at the sinful natures of both men and women, and how those are portrayed with alarming accuracy in Genesis 3. Take a look at it (i think you may have already) and let me know your thoughts on how it relates to this issue.
okaaaay, so, my first, gut reaction to this is: THERE ARE NO GENDER NORMS WHYAREYOUTRYINGTOMAKEMENBE”BUTCH”ANDWOMENBE”DEMURE”!??!!?
then I take a breath and use my brain to think. ha!
I just had an experience with this. Kind of. Well, specifically, with the medication thing. I know a little kid who is very different from other kids. He can read, write, and socialize just fine, but his mind just works differently from others. It makes it tough for him to socialize. People were very fast to insist that he was autistic. He wasn’t.
very long story made short: while everyone had the best of intentions for the situation, I think people are too often interested in WHAT THEIR CHILD WILL BECOME!?!??!?! You know? I think it is more important to just be here in the moment. And nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
As far as masculine/feminine ideals and role models, I think Willie Nelson said it best in his song “Cowboys Are Frequently (Secretly) Fond of Each Other”:
“Well I believe in my soul that inside every man there’s a feminine,
And inside every lady there’s a deep manly voice loud and clear.”
Yeah. Masculinity. hehe.
Also: that poster is OFF THE HOOK. wow.
hahah. Kyle- One time I was at as gas station and the cashier couldn’t hear me say which pump I was at, and so he leaned forward then puffed out his chest, lifted up his chin, and like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast, roared at me, “USE YOUR MAN-VOICE!”
hahah. And so, since then… my voice is still three octaves above audible to some folk. 
Oh well.
Brad-
The way you described one of the positive aspects of masculinity as protecting/building up the community rather than tearing it down was very helpful for me.
And yay for keeping pink!
I guess my next question is - what is masculinity then? How does this look in a Christian (redeemed) word or does it look any different than what we see around us? That’s the part not quite defined yet - and I would be interested in knowing what characteristics a biblical masculinity should look like.
I know for me, non-violence is a pathway I choose as the highest standard we can attain (ie: peace with one another) - and i attain to keep it. However, I do use my strength in many other cases that are very positive - to help set up things or to help take something down (or to move stuff). Now strength - is masculine - but it doesn’t need to be used in an immoral way - ie: violence against another or destroying property. That’s how I see it.
Now someone said ‘protecting the community’ as an aspect of masculinity. I would like that explained in more depth and reason. Like protecting my family from intruders or like protecting my church by carrying a gun? It’s a broken world we live in - we need to have these ideas clarified unless we find we are just as broken as the world we think we are protecting.
Kyle,
Hrmmm… First of all, with the kid on medication, good work. We have medications for everything and it torques me off that we go for the simple “solution” rather than taking the time to understand the so-called problem. I was one of those kids on Ritalin when I didn’t have to be, and it took me about 3 years to get over a stuttering problem that it caused.
But could you explain the comment about there being no gender roles? I know it is probably a much bigger discussion, but initially I very much disagree. What’s the argument? And is there a problem with encouraging boys to embrace a masculine gender role?
Jen,
I’m glad the community protection line helped! One of the things that we must do (and that the church has mostly failed in doing) is shattering misconceptions of masculinity.
For example, finishing your basement or building a deck does not make you a man. Riding a Harley is not necessarily a masculine feature. Masculinity is a process by which we interact with others in relationship. It is the self-sacrificing, selfless protection of community and those we love that makes a man, a Man. I’ll get into this in a later post, but this is absolutely key.
Societyvs,
“I guess my next question is - what is masculinity then? How does this look in a Christian (redeemed) word or does it look any different than what we see around us? That’s the part not quite defined yet - and I would be interested in knowing what characteristics a biblical masculinity should look like.”
DUDE. That is an EXCELLENT question. Thank you! I will in fact be writing an entire post around that very question. Please stay tuned, because that is exactly the question I hoped to generate with this post. You made my day, bro.
Violence is a tricky subject, depending on how one defines it. I’ve written on here previously about the legitimacy of self-defense, but a plethora of Jesus-loving Christians will disagree as to the specifics of that debate. The important thing to remember is that all of them are seeking to understand the love of Christ for our small (families) and large (humanity) communities.
Protecting our community could be many things. It could be the father and husband who works 2 jobs to provide for his family, or doesn’t get that nice new ______ so his kids can get a laptop for school. It could be the law enforcement officer who puts his life in danger stopping and deterring crime in a neighborhood where kids are trading their future for the twisted and distorted community of gangs. A friend of mine is finishing med school a year later than he otherwise would so he could support his wife, help a church plant, and do volunteer his medical expertise in Haiti. Another guy here in St. Louis owns a large international apparel company and volunteers his time and money to feed almost 200 homeless people breakfast once a week. These are all examples of men sacrificing something (time, money, liberty, happiness, choice) for the good and protection of their community.
Now, is that aspect not present in the actions of women? Of course it is, but it is something that is (culturally, biblically, and historically) distinctly masculine. Reread the sitcom, media, and movie examples above and tell me if you see ANYTHING like that in their portrayal of men.
“For example, finishing your basement or building a deck does not make you a man. Riding a Harley is not necessarily a masculine feature. Masculinity is a process by which we interact with others in relationship. It is the self-sacrificing, selfless protection of community and those we love that makes a man, a Man. I’ll get into this in a later post, but this is absolutely key.” (Brad)
So incisive! So direct! So good!
The ugly misconceptions about masculinity that concern me above all are those misguided approaches to Scripture. Because above all something that mustn’t ever be lost is the fact that Paul was ages ahead of his time in egalitarianism, in promoting women as leaders within the church and equality for the sexes. This might look different given a certain culture, and we must be careful not to take Paul out of context, but Paul was anything but a misogynist.
And more to the point here, Paul was a prototype for the Christian man, who is strongest when he is most humble, bold and composed in fortitude, passionate, and above all, willing to sacrifice his life for the gospel of Christ.
y’all so beautiful
-chris
Chris,
I hesitate at the word egalitarianism, but he absolutely was ahead of his time (imagine that… truth transcending culture… wow.) when it came to women’s rights and leadership in the church.
“And more to the point here, Paul was a prototype for the Christian man, who is strongest when he is most humble, bold and composed in fortitude, passionate, and above all, willing to sacrifice his life for the gospel of Christ.”
Dude! You gotta be more careful when dropping hammers that big. WELL said!
Of course I understand there are gender roles, but I think that people often get it in their heads what you were talking about with that bit concerning finishing your basement or building a deck. I think if we’re having a discussion about gender roles, then it’s healthier to talk more in terms of relationships and interaction than jobs, hobbies, or activities.
I have a knee-jerk alarmist reaction when people start discussing gender issues. I’m sure it comes, in part, from years of having to be on the defensive about it.
“I think if we’re having a discussion about gender roles, then it’s healthier to talk more in terms of relationships and interaction than jobs, hobbies, or activities.”
100% agreed. Distinguishing between culture and nature is often very difficult, yet necessary.
“I have a knee-jerk alarmist reaction when people start discussing gender issues. I’m sure it comes, in part, from years of having to be on the defensive about it.”
Well, that is totally understandable, and I can’t say I blame you. That’s why I ask.
just let you know i read this and agree. and also read the comments! great discussion!
Brad
I heard a good one about A.D.D.
Its short for “Absent Dad Disease”
John…
Oh man… *winces* Sad but true. The amazing thing is that “absent” can mean so many things.
Brad
Like your style by the way. A.D.D, I know it well, my old man died when I was 20months old. I would have been classified as an ADD child. Who knows maybe still to this day lol. There is much to be said for Masculinity and Machoism. I know them both well. The former comes from a sense of knowing yourself. Strong, vibrant and willing to meet the challenges both physically and mentally. Win or lose. The latter is a Bully. Woman play their role in this too, its not just us. When they are at their best, they contribute to our masculinity. When they are at their worst they contribute to our Macho behaviour. We are a team, so lets be good teamates for each other.
John,
Oh yeah. Absolutely. There is a true masculinity, and there are many false masculinities. Working construction does not necessarily mean you have a healthy understanding of masculinity.
Thanks for sharing some of your story. It sounds like a pretty long one, and it amazes me how common struggles like yours are.
Man… you make some good points. Stick around for more on this subject (it’s a drum I beat pretty regularly). Thanks again.
Some thoughts:
Masculinity is unfairly maligned while femininity is placed on a pedestal.
Men are unworthy victims, while women are worthy victims.
Equal actions have unequal consequences under American law for men and women, especially with sex crimes.
Women watch most television, thus most shows and advertisements are geared towards women, often at the expense of men in the form of contempt, belittlement, and denigration.
Women get the children in more than 9 of 10 custody cases; enforcement of visitation rights receives no funding; men who are illegally denied visitation children have no options.
Schools are gynocentric institutions that foster girls’ behavioral needs while stifling boys’.
Routine infant male circumcision is genital mutilation and violence against children; Female circumcision in all forms is illegal.
A woman gets herself pregnant and decides to have an abortion: She’s Pro-Choice
A man gets a woman pregnant and decides he doesn’t want the child: He’s a deadbeat dad.
Schools are not “equal” when women are nearly 60% of college graduates, and %80-90 of K-12 teachers.
The number of ritalin prescriptions is inversely proportional to the quality of education.
The Office of Women’s Health has a $70 billion budget, Breast Cancer receives more funding for research and education than Prostate Cancer and Lung Cancer Combined, and there are 81 women-only hospitals in the US.
3 Men get cancer for every 2 women, die of hear disease nearly 10 years earlier than the average woman, and have overall life expectancies that are 5-6 years shorter than women. There is no Office of Men’s Health, no Men-only hospitals, and no prostate cancer ribbons on people’s license plates.
Worthy and Unworthy victims.
Wow. Do you have a source for all these? I’d love to check it out… thanks for the info.