we’re not in Scotland anymore, Toto
Men need help.
A friend asked me recently if I was a fan of the show “Everybody Loves Raymond.” I told her I was “sort of” a fan. I explained that my one grievance with the show was that the husband (Ray) was perpetually portrayed as an idiot who was always wrong, while his wife was always right. Episode after episode shows Ray to be a helpless moron, while his wife rarely makes a mistake against him. For my money (not that I have much), I prefer Roseanne as a show that made a decent attempt to show actual family life.
While Everybody Loves Raymond takes the stereotype against men too far, I also fear the stereotype is too close for comfort. We men do need help. Always have. Probably always will. Especially younger men, some of whom somehow amazingly enter into adulthood without the slightest clue how to do laundry, cook a meal not out of a box, iron a shirt, or treat a lady in public. At least knowing some of these skills would go a long way.
Thankfully, Burnside Writers Collective has recently published an interesting article on the state of the “gentleman” in modern (postmodern? … whatever) Christianity, along with some tips. We have a lot to learn, myself included. What do you think? To old school for you? Desperately needed in today’s world? More important stuff to consider? A little too patriarchal for your tastes?
Start talking, please.
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Interesting! I’m surprised that confidence is the last trait listed–I always list it first! Confidence is attractive! It doesn’t mean that every gentleman has to be a super-mega-extroverted-social-director-mega-phone-attention-grabbing-kind-of-guy, but it does mean that he is comfortable in his own shoes! A guy that is grounded through his identity in Christ and who is being encouraged and supported by a loving community–should naturally radiate with confidence! That’s what I want to see!
“I explained that my one grievance with the show was that the husband (Ray) was perpetually portrayed as an idiot who was always wrong, while his wife was always right.”
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I can’t tell you how much I agree with you. Yes, it is funny, but it kills me to see the popular perception of men in our society as evidenced by the following of that show. Part of my fear, in addition to what you are saying, is that those people with similar (although not so dramatic) issues in their family will look at that show and think “well, we aren’t THAT bad…” Some of those issues they joke about are just too close to home for my liking sometimes….
Anyway….
I liked the article. A lot. I think that some of those values are personality driven or culturally driven in degree, but they are certainly something to aspire to. I would add other values, however, like “responsibility” and “personal leadership” as must-haves.
The state of manhood in this country is in dire need of its own continual reformation.
I might have agreed until I lived in Chicago and made friends with loads of people not from my own social stratum.
Many of those rules to apply across the borders (though in different forms; chivalry is different in different cultures; I would even boil that down just to being respectful of all other people, not just women,but whatever, that is a different discussion altogether), but some do not. Education, for example, is a huge cultural issue, though they do sort of address that in the article. Kind of.
Sometimes articles like this one seem less to me like, “guys, I think this is how we act,” and more like, “Okay, let’s keep it in the family, folks.” You know? It’s sort of latent xenophobia, isn’t it? It gives license, in a way, to frown upon that which has a different cultural understanding of being a man.
And the part on etiquette? Pfft. There is a time and a place for everything. The sexiest and coolest people are often the kind ones who can just as easily throw down.
“It gives license, in a way, to frown upon that which has a different cultural understanding of being a man.”
Hrmm… you have me thinking, what exactly is (or should) be the standard for what it is to be a man? Is it culture? Which culture?
The part where I disagreed with this article, is that (like you seem to suggest) the author’s perspective was pretty culturally specific. In fact, I felt that starting with “education” was surprisingly arrogant. What about all the hard working blue collar factory workers who provide for their family, yet may have dropped out of high school? Do they know what it means to be a man? Probably better than I!
The bible’s examples of “good men” (for lack of a better term) are surprisingly cross-cultural and, IMHO, flexible to accommodate a diversity of personality-types and cultural standards (albeit not all cultural standards).
In essence, it provides a foundation for cultural uniqueness to build upon, while not straying from that foundation. “Chivalry” is not biblical, but cultural. However, that which it affirms can easily be seen in scripture and across cultures.
I agree with some of this. I liked this quote: “society at large has largely given up on the concept of the ‘gentleman’ due to its association with the Old South, sexism, bigotry, racism, etc.” I don’t like the term “gentleman” for this reason. I believe we should simply talk about masculinity. However, there are some of these points in which I disagree. For example:
“Guys, we should be out seeking adventure, building things, working with our hands, praying for people, doing ministry—not sitting on our bums discussing the release of the iPhone. Yes, there are many worthy pursuits that require staying indoors (see point 1), but if we don’t venture out regularly, I believe we are losing a part of who God made us to be.
But while a gentleman is willing to get his hands dirty, he understands how to look…”
I agree that guys should be doing more than playing with ipods and play stations, but that is true for women as well. I personally love working with my hands and getting dirty, but that does not mean working with my hands is intrinsically part of my masculinity. A masculine man does not have to “be willing to get his hands dirty” in that literally sense. I think men who fit a stereotype of what a “man should look like” put down men who do not fit the mold. Although this article has many good points (Humble, Confident, Cosmopolitan, Generous to name a few) I cannot say I agree 100%. Maybe masculinity is more fluid than this article allows (and certainly more fluid than John Eldridge allows).